How to artfully deal with an office backstabber
By Nina Hendy
There’s one lurking in every workplace. The office backstabber. That person openly dobbing you to the boss for arriving at work five minutes late.
Or joking in the corridors about a tiny mistake you made when you first started in your job. Or maybe they repeatedly shoot down your ideas in the weekly meetings.
Someone who makes your working life unpleasant can be difficult to deal with.Credit: Louie Douvis
Dealing with an office backstabber isn’t easy. In a LinkedIn post, human resources consultancy LeadershipHQ’s CEO, Sonia McDonald, laments that backstabbers want to gain power over you.
“One thing I have learned about dealing with backstabbers is that they are only truly powerful when you’ve got your back turned. But no matter how angry I am hearing misleading stories, I make sure to keep calm.”
You can’t ignore backstabbers or offend them before because you don’t know what they can do when you push them to their limits. “Tread carefully and always practice your inner kindness,” McDonald says.
Consider their motivation
Before you start throwing stones, step back for a moment and understand that this sort of behaviour often comes from a place of insecurity, explains HR consultant Natasha Hawker of Employee Matters.
“Before reacting to a backstabbing colleague, try to understand why they might be acting this way. Perhaps they feel threatened, undervalued, or are facing their own challenges,” Hawker says.
“Consider the dynamics of your workplace and try to understand the personalities involved when deciding how to handle backstabbing colleagues.”
Remember the shared goals in the office. That shared sense of purpose can really unite a team, so keep these objectives in mind when deciding how to deal with a backstabber. Redirect conversations and actions towards achieving these goals, which can help minimise personal conflicts.
“Having a supportive network at work is also important. If you’re dealing with a backstabber, seek support from trusted colleagues, mentors and HR professionals, who can provide guidance and help you navigate the situation,” Hawker says.
Look for ways to build trust
Building trust can derail a backstabber, so be transparent, reliable and consistent in your actions. If the behaviour doesn’t stop, consider addressing the behaviour directly with them.
Choose a time and place where you can have a calm and private conversation. “Open and honest communication is always the best strategy,” Hawker says.
Explain that their actions have affected you and the team and that you feel that they are trying to discredit you. Ask them to please stop the behaviour. But don’t take this approach if you suspect that they are a narcissist because they will take pleasure in your suffering, she warns.
Be sure to jot down a couple of notes to remind yourself of what happened and that you asked them to stop, she says. If that’s not possible, you could ask your boss if they could offer mediation support.
“And if they turn around and stab you in the back again, either raise it again with them, or report the matter to the human resources team at your office, or to Fair Work,” Hawker says.
Remember that every workplace and situation is unique, and these strategies might not work for you. Hopefully in time, you will find that the person can be trusted. If not, at least you’ve learned a valuable lesson.
Of course, you still need to have a professional working relationship with this person, so bear in mind that you can never share anything private with a backstabber, and avoid them outside of work hours at all costs.
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