By As told to Andra Putnis
I hung onto the arm of my chair as our lounge room seemed to rock. I looked down a second time at his name on the back of the small white envelope – RUDIS MASENS.
Milda and Rudis Masens on their wedding day on October 1939 in Latvia.
Slowly picking up my letter knife, I started to cut, but the blade caught and ripped the far corner. The sight of the torn paper made me wince and I went even more carefully, until I could ease out two very thin pages. I tried to read his letter, but my eyes kept jumping forward before I could finish each sentence.
. . . I survived the war . . .
. . . live in Riga . . .
. . . such a joy to hear you are alive . . .
. . . one true love . . .
. . . found out your address from Stefans Feldmanis . . .
. . . I want to come to Australia to see you and the boys.
Everything came flooding back. The hours I had spent looking at those square cards on the noticeboards at Hanau DP camp for a message. The days I’d spent on my bed in the dormitory, wishing he would appear. It felt as if the past 30 years fell away, as if I was a young woman again. I had such a rush of warm feelings towards him. I thought, “How is it possible that he now shows up like this? It must be our fate to meet again!” I knew immediately that I would write to tell him to come.
I headed downstairs to the garage and found Edgars standing beside his old Ford in his blue work overalls. The news almost burst out of me. Pride filled my chest like a rush of air at the thought of Rudis seeing his sons, now young men. When I blurted out what I had just learnt, a look of pain crossed Edgars’ face. It was unreasonable but I found myself annoyed, and put my hands on my hips until he at last started to slowly nod. “Of course,” he said, as if coming to his senses. “Of course, we will help Rudis to come. The boys should see their father.”
Milda fled the advancing Red Army in 1944.Credit: U.S.S.R. Official Photograph
I clattered back upstairs and rang my old friend, Alise, to tell her the news. My voice was breathless and I could hardly get the words out. “I got a letter! Rudis is alive and coming from Latvia to see me!”
“Oh Milda,” Alise sighed. “Imagine how it will be after all these years.”
I clasped my hand to my forehead. “Which room will I put him in?”
At this Alise laughed. “He can’t stay with you!” she exclaimed. “It would be too strange. He can stay with me in Strathfield and you can visit him here.”
Again, I felt irritated. “Are you sure?” I asked. “Edgars will understand ... it is not like Rudis and I are still married, that all got sorted out years ago when I told the officials he was no longer alive!”
Alise laughed again. “Even so, it’s not a good idea!”
When the day finally arrived, we all got ready. I fought with Juris to try to get him to put on some decent clothes. I wanted to wring his neck, and couldn’t bear the thought of him wearing beach shorts to meet his father. Edgars eventually stepped in and told Juris to put on a proper shirt and pants.
Milda with her boys just before leaving Europe to start a new life in Australia in 1949.
When we all arrived at Alise’s house, I saw him on the front porch, wearing a three-piece suit in the blazing sun. I knew straight away it was Rudis by the look of his shoulders. I wanted him to go inside to allow us to get out of the car properly and order ourselves, but he just stood there waiting. We had no choice but to get out in front of him.
Edgars went ahead, to try to break the tension. “Labrīt, Rudis,” Edgars said and put out his hand. Rudis shook it and they clapped each other on the shoulders and talked about how happy they
were to meet each other.
I walked up slowly behind them. Rudis leant in formally and kissed both my cheeks. “Labrīt, Milda.” My mouth was wobbling far too much for me to form any words. I couldn’t even smile. Rudis turned to face his sons. “Ah, here they are,” he said. He shook their hands very formally and Juris and Janis gave him nods and half-smiles. As we went inside, I wanted to shout at them to stand straighter, but I said nothing.
In Australia, Milda met and married Edgars.
Alise had prepared some drinks and snacks, and we all sat in the front room. It seemed uncomfortably hot and I could feel my back getting sticky. My mind was blank. I had no idea what to say and was relieved when Edgars and Rudis started talking about political events. I watched his face as he spoke and I recognised some of the expressions that I was used to seeing on Janis. I hated the strangeness of it and looked away.
After a few minutes, Rudis turned to me and said, “How uncultured this country is. You must miss good Latvian music and food.”
Rudis in Latvia before the war.
I felt heat rising in my chest. “We are fine. We put on concerts and make our own food,” I retorted.
Rudis nodded, then he replied, “But is it always uncomfortable like this? No proper winter. No snow?”
I glared at him. “There’s snow on some of the mountains in winter.”
He looked at me, confused. “There is? You still ski?” he asked. What a ridiculous question! I found myself saying something about how Janis liked skiing, and then I turned to Juris and asked him to tell his father about his work at the Redhead Life Saving Club.
My words were ringing in my ears and sounded too sharp. To be honest, I was wondering what on earth was happening. After an hour, I realised I couldn’t stand it any longer. My mind was jumping all over the place. I kept asking myself whether he had always been this pompous. I got up and went out into Alise’s back garden to get some air.
After a few minutes, Rudis joined me. “Milda, the boys are strong men. You haven’t done badly,” he said.
“The Communists almost ruined our lives, but we’ve been safe here,” I replied.
Rudis slowly shook his head. “Actually, you could have had a good life in Latvia. I have worked, and every weekend I’ve gone to the beautiful forests to walk and, in winter, ski.”
I stared at him. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard him say. “You speak like the Russians have been a good thing,” I said. “After everything that happened?”
Milda before the war.
Rudis shrugged his shoulders. “It was bad for a time, but things moved on. Here, there is no culture. You, of all people, to end up in a place without culture.”
I felt tears pricking my eyes and let loose a flood of words. “What choice did I have? You promised you were coming back. You have no idea what it was like on my own, pregnant and with Juris so little.”
Rudis looked away. “You could have waited. It might have been better. Do you know what it’s been like to live without my sons? They are both my sons, aren’t they?”
My mouth hung open. I couldn’t believe him! Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned, surprised to see Edgars standing beside me.
Edgars cleared his throat and then spoke firmly. “No, they are my sons. I have raised them. Milda, it’s time to go.”
Relief swept through my body. Rudis threw his hands up in the air and walked off to the back fence. I leant on Edgars as we walked back into the house. We then said our goodbyes to a stunned Alise, got in our car and drove home.
I was relieved when Rudis cut his visit short. Before he left, he travelled to Newcastle to see the boys and they took him down to Redhead Beach together. Janis even invited him on a day trip to the Blue Mountains and then out to Dora Creek. The boys tried their best. It was not easy because Rudis was not a good English speaker and Juris, in particular, only had a basic level of Latvian.
They couldn’t have any deep discussions. The last time I saw him was at a Latvian event in Sydney before he flew back to Latvia. I watched appalled as he raved on about some of the benefits of the Communist system. Can you imagine? We stayed in touch with letters for a few years because that was the polite thing to do. Then we stopped writing to each other. I remember feeling sad but also relieved.
An extract from Stories My Grandmothers Didn’t Tell Me by Andra Putnis.
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